stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
