So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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