You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
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Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
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To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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