he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
