im drinking this country out of the recession.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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