Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize