she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable