You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.