haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
