The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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