Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
