you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
