I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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