I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Is Oprah even human
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
