He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
