i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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