I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
