Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
