We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
