When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
