I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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