Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
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For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
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Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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