My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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