Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
