hotel room ftw
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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