I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
