Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
