had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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