Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
