Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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