Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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