my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
