the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
