remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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