i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
