Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
