Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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