This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
