We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
