I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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