yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
