I wanna passion pit in your ass
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
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Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
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Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you