A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
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I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
30 Tiny Celebrity Tattoos You’ll Want To Run Out And Copy ASAP
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing