On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?