Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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