Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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