I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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