he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
