I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
