You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
