i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
