He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
