do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
smell my finger.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
