i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
why do cheetos always look like penises
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize
