Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
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