I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
