I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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