you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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