First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
