apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
