Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
