I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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