oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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