You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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