Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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