I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize