Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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