Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
