I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
