I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
