I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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