I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
