thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
