Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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