the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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