Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
