i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
