You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
