Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Your cock deserves a montage
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
