I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
