I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
